tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37619761498024714552024-02-19T04:50:21.580-08:00ALL I NEED IS THE WHITE PICKET FENCE...A blog about one family living the supposed "American Dream". A SAHM with three children and a wonderful husband. Coping with the loss of two pregnancies. Always searching for balance and contentment.all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-46674796334092496662010-06-08T08:34:00.000-07:002010-06-08T08:38:18.591-07:00PassionWhen I was younger I confused drama for passion. They were one is the same. My relationships were full of highs and lows. Fueled by passion and drama. The passion part is what seemed to sustain it all. I actually longed for calm waters.<div><br /></div><div>Here I am 8yrs married with three children. I feel happy. I have exactly the life I dreamed up for myself. The waters are calm. My relationship is healthy. Yet is all feels so predictable. I don't long for the drama, but I miss the passion.</div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-51951730485169970982009-12-05T19:51:00.000-08:002009-12-05T19:58:53.520-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkfIxDBLbyhuDCRh5SWfv_cBCUpsvJaEBlkDP5YxxcXoDQwCheVzP0QFGiplC5rgqY9ThAgcNgLq4_umIMV6QDGCM0Im28Xs1rKfOirxjuMlIcdPCgpiwbTDnkEXX4hjueBjLKL2sfKu-Q/s1600-h/DSCF5601.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 304px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkfIxDBLbyhuDCRh5SWfv_cBCUpsvJaEBlkDP5YxxcXoDQwCheVzP0QFGiplC5rgqY9ThAgcNgLq4_umIMV6QDGCM0Im28Xs1rKfOirxjuMlIcdPCgpiwbTDnkEXX4hjueBjLKL2sfKu-Q/s320/DSCF5601.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411967689225456578" /></a><br />The Holiday season is such a whirlwind. Filled with lists and lists and even lists for our lists. I have stacks of catalogs sitting on the island that I have good intention of sifting through-someday! I can hardly believe it is December and the Christmas tree is up. I love love love this time of year. I just wish I could slow it all down a bit. I look at my big, beautiful almost 11 month old and can hardly believe where the past year has gone. Even with a bit of PPD for the first few months of his life, I have had the ability to just savor each moment and each stage of his growth. I still look at him and just can hardly believe he is here after all we went through. He has brightened our days and filled this family with more joy and love that we ever thought possible. He rounds us out just perfectly and was so meant to be. Do your best to slow down, be present, and savor this magical time of year with your families!all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-5063519203799683312009-11-25T10:32:00.000-08:002009-11-25T10:52:39.867-08:00Thanksgiving Eve<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsf12KXK_CmmkJiaHRhVFaHVjH5Y4hN_grGmBxiVLPORCa1yLelByE7mP0AgXukyyCHOtZb0BfIo_zp1mHBxdisF2aDEDwaPG6vuwMXL_1H6mpGvKpA1vAa5NkFX6Ww4zT5cJEyBfhGT69/s1600/DSCF5688.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsf12KXK_CmmkJiaHRhVFaHVjH5Y4hN_grGmBxiVLPORCa1yLelByE7mP0AgXukyyCHOtZb0BfIo_zp1mHBxdisF2aDEDwaPG6vuwMXL_1H6mpGvKpA1vAa5NkFX6Ww4zT5cJEyBfhGT69/s320/DSCF5688.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5408116058149932290" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#993300;"><b>The house is full of Holiday season smells. Pumpkin pie baking in the oven, Christmas candle burning, and an oil burner letting off the most magnificent cinnamon spice smell-mmmmmmm!!! </b></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#993300;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#993300;"><b>Last year at this time, I was on bed rest. Feeling so blessed that at last baby #3 was on the way, yet still terrified of something going wrong. I had already been hospitalized for preterm labor and also for hemorrhaging. I was so anxious to no longer be pregnant and to get my sweet baby here in my arms safely. Bittersweet too, knowing it would be the last time I was pregnant. This year, I am soooo thankful and blessed to have these beautiful children and the most amazing husband. I look and my life and just have to shake my head-how in the world did this all happen to me??? Happy Thanksgiving to anyone that may stumble on this blog. May you be present, aware of your blessings, and feel full of joy! </b></span></div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-70677196816543526862009-10-15T07:01:00.000-07:002009-10-15T07:11:55.958-07:00Missing my Angels-alwaysToday is a day of remembrance for all that have lost a precious baby. A group I never imagined I would be apart of and a group that will always hold a place in my heart, because I understand the pain. <a href="http://www.october15th.com/">http://www.october15th.com/</a> There are layers to this group and and types of pain I will never understand. Warrior Mommies and Daddies who have fought to get through the grief and who have immeasurable courage. Still Birth, late term losses, new born loss due to defects, SIDS and the list goes on and on! Today I lift each and everyone of you up in prayer. We alter our dreams after these losses and search for renewed hope! I hope you have found yours!all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-42495159215302144362009-10-09T13:06:00.000-07:002009-10-09T13:21:53.271-07:00Anyone out there? Restless<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-nCNofxUfmhq_bjYdbCH31tc8Ncy0zYzp_s9mo2BZiBgof9gakPjT_x84lOk6u-atrynT89_PbJY6rn-4TKAwPTHxvuA5guZndaRtnQN5pcXz7wZbh6p9kHe8-Sk9Lu1y4YxThSwm0uLR/s1600-h/DSCF5065.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-nCNofxUfmhq_bjYdbCH31tc8Ncy0zYzp_s9mo2BZiBgof9gakPjT_x84lOk6u-atrynT89_PbJY6rn-4TKAwPTHxvuA5guZndaRtnQN5pcXz7wZbh6p9kHe8-Sk9Lu1y4YxThSwm0uLR/s320/DSCF5065.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5390698083428870322" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">I keep seeing my counter go up, anyone out there? Perhaps it is just from me opening this blog with good intentions on updating. Seems all the little things get in the way. You know-poopy diapers, kids fighting, runny noses, my daughter urgent need to change her clothes 5 times within 5 minutes, and never mind her changing hair styles too. 5 going on 15 I tell you! Just the daily grind I suppose.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">So here is my burning question for those mystery hits on my counter. Anyone else out there get to a place where they should feel content and yet they are still restless. What is that? I thought after my family was complete (especially after the miscarriage journey), that I too would feel complete. I have waves of that feeling. Mostly when I look at the big picture of our future, yet I still have this crazy restless feeling that I can't shake. So what is missing, what changes do I think need to be made, what is it I am searching for??? Can't really put my finger on it yet. Maybe I just need to empty some cabinets out, do some nesting, and get organized. Perhaps that will for now fill this restless feeling? Perhaps it is really just natural to NEVER be totally content. We are by nature suppose to dream, wish and hope. Leaving us to just be restless. Thoughts?</span></span></div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-59563112406543830892009-09-24T11:52:00.000-07:002009-09-24T15:14:07.451-07:00Bokeh-fall spider<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg17bhkpBayKE4aDamfzG4dcP-wAuSFFgksfbLZQs5jijENmr43WZLyXF8qUkdah4JNKp4zsTFce5RSF0sCKaJeB7qlCFjbBknQ8Bd6CZc23bpfSa9KRbVfjopAKV-1bor3cNhTMBLPmU8n/s1600-h/DSCF5425.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg17bhkpBayKE4aDamfzG4dcP-wAuSFFgksfbLZQs5jijENmr43WZLyXF8qUkdah4JNKp4zsTFce5RSF0sCKaJeB7qlCFjbBknQ8Bd6CZc23bpfSa9KRbVfjopAKV-1bor3cNhTMBLPmU8n/s320/DSCF5425.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5385110216352465570" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMTQYC8vHDgTBE7PklIqhsWVn61pBFIu3NWjipB5M8dXvnmWdfgVwopbffGRuZlDAPryhzKoG2kwVs3iyX-gLvaXn4XZaIQGa6G_Th631TkHguAFN2LOMEkhM1PPR0vorTUZmr9VlCbt8Z/s1600-h/DSCF5426.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMTQYC8vHDgTBE7PklIqhsWVn61pBFIu3NWjipB5M8dXvnmWdfgVwopbffGRuZlDAPryhzKoG2kwVs3iyX-gLvaXn4XZaIQGa6G_Th631TkHguAFN2LOMEkhM1PPR0vorTUZmr9VlCbt8Z/s320/DSCF5426.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5385110204467029522" /></a><br />Took this pic with my good old point and shoot that is on the fritz. I am in need of a new camera and hoping to get a Nikon SLR-but boy are they expensive. My current camera has served me well, but is now making a funky pink line on pics if I use the flash. I figure with the amount of pics I take daily, the Nikon will pay for itself in no time. Check out the colors on the spider. Sure is a pretty little girl-for a spider that is.all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-8511218697556687132009-09-22T14:43:00.000-07:002009-09-22T14:47:21.138-07:00RestlessI feel so restless. I need to get something done, anything done. I have this burning desire to take just one thing to completion. Laundry, reorganizing, just one thing DONE! Finding it very difficult with three kids under foot all day to get even the simplest tasks completed. Sadly when I do have a few free moments, I don't feel like doing anything. Makes NO sense, I know.all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-61597726563575775652009-09-15T07:20:00.000-07:002009-09-15T10:14:40.890-07:00Busy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPYpFABXERBMDk_5BObJ8pnvqepUYzCZYrtlYUalpYc8rIiLNP10kVMKvhqoUTZST_5iuA0R577LFuKw0fueKYsidPsnRY4dl7S0S2RFkxXr5yiJwihIVEXi9wr4KGGP5LWkMcJ-WS0aC7/s1600-h/DSCF5347.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPYpFABXERBMDk_5BObJ8pnvqepUYzCZYrtlYUalpYc8rIiLNP10kVMKvhqoUTZST_5iuA0R577LFuKw0fueKYsidPsnRY4dl7S0S2RFkxXr5yiJwihIVEXi9wr4KGGP5LWkMcJ-WS0aC7/s320/DSCF5347.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5381743646691642498" /></a><br />Life has been so busy. At some point I hope it slows down just a tiny bit so I can just catch up with it all. El is in Kinder now and this has been such a big life change for all of us. She is slowly adjusting, but with lot's of tears along the way. Ev started Preschool today. He is happy as a clam and would go everyday if he could. My baby love is crawling and getting into everything. What is it that makes babies gravitate towards fireplaces, wires and outlets? I still can't wrap my head around the fact that he is here! At night when I walk down the hall and check three bedrooms on my three sleeping children, it still takes my breath away. How blessed I am and what a journey it has been.all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-32533220004289023532009-06-11T14:41:00.000-07:002009-06-11T14:45:07.849-07:00Baby Love...Jayce turns 5 months old tomorrow. The fastest 5 months of my life. I am so thankful that this time around I have this amazing appreciation for the gift that is my baby. I am able to savor and enjoy each moment on a level I have never known. I feel so connected to him and fall deeper and love with each passing day. He is my miracle! all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-82402203715344291172009-02-01T08:24:00.001-08:002009-02-01T08:32:19.704-08:00It's as if I have known you all my life...<div>January 12th, 2009 @ 12:11pm-our miracle was born! Jayce is 6lbs 80z's of perfection!</div><br /><div>I can't explain the feeling very well, except to say that it feels as if I have known him all my life. There is something sooo familiar about him, so peaceful and natural. I think I have memorized every little crease in his skin. I am able to drink in every single moment of him being here, we have waited soo soo soo long for him! The journey has made the destination more amazing than I have ever experienced! AT LAST...peace floods my heart and I feel complete!!!</div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjfZtuKi5yEtWGZoxQOLMjO6uUWyhpx05cRcS4GHl7JLPRHt3ielerH_ER2i3ZCHZLiGlGUPxMG4Kv2kzo4lH_UA3o3uxJIn2rw5TMPSlf2uAksmf4Nj6jqpHkGPcLsupgAN9c70DBJNH-/s1600-h/DSCF4283.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5297867439267051138" style="WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjfZtuKi5yEtWGZoxQOLMjO6uUWyhpx05cRcS4GHl7JLPRHt3ielerH_ER2i3ZCHZLiGlGUPxMG4Kv2kzo4lH_UA3o3uxJIn2rw5TMPSlf2uAksmf4Nj6jqpHkGPcLsupgAN9c70DBJNH-/s320/DSCF4283.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-43481669593909092132008-12-24T13:18:00.001-08:002008-12-24T13:25:41.868-08:0033wks and 3 to go!I just can't believe I am already 33wks pregnant. In fact, I still can't quite believe I am pregnant at all. My heart and mind are still working overtime to protect me. I have almost been in total denial this pregnany that I am actually having a baby. It just shows you how devestating loss can be. <br /><br />I have complete placenta previa. I was in the hospital for a few days due to bleeding and ptl. I am home now on bedrest. Let's just say bedrest is near impossible when you have a 4 1/2 yr old and a 2 1/2yr old. I have had sitter here daily but still still find myself doing things I am not supposed to be doing. We have scheduled my c-section for January 12th. Hopefully I can stay out of the hospital until then!<br /><br />Kids are super excited for Christmas tomorow, and soooo am I. I get more excited now then I did as a child I think. There is just nothing better in the world than watching the pure joy on their faces. I can't wait for them to open all their presents :)<br /><br />Happy Holidays to anyone that stumbles on this blog. Have a safe and healthy New Year!!!all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-11973743157108945622008-10-17T20:51:00.000-07:002008-10-17T20:57:14.311-07:0024wks pregnantI have been avoiding my own blog. Isn't that strange? I keep thinking that if I write the words, it will all be taken away again. I need to let go of all my silly superstitions, and just share this journey. Allow it to be real. Celebrate. Savor. Life is full of miracles and this is our miracle baby. If anyone out there ever clicks on this blog-I promise to start writing more. Especially those of you that have been on your own <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">miscarriage</span> -pregnancy <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">journeys</span>. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">know</span> how reading <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">someones</span> words that has <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">btdt</span> can really help! More to come. Off to bed!all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-49521160546739018912008-07-09T11:09:00.000-07:002008-11-13T01:17:15.331-08:00March-April-May-June-July...<div><div><div><div><div>It has been soooo long since I posted. I am doing well friends, but not on the computer much these days. We have had some busy months filled with fun! Ella had her 4th B-day party at the end of March. A Princess Party-per her request. We kept it small, with a few friends from School, and one from dance class. She wanted them all to dress up like Princesses and oh were they precious. Here are some pics:</div><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221079294482919874" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEird5V4HTUj6QFp8HoVfoVa1O1DZsSEBLvVaW1KPzrEzYzBN6wXoPkshbGddwCRA6_hH5DMvQmsXq7xgRiNJOUFRUh25Z99sqfwMx50cFRn6nhP9jYM23Viy7pAGQY_6U7oPzqxjSb93w76/s320/DSCF3473.JPG" border="0" /><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMbebKh6idJq_brnk5l9f9lgeT0vclqqKjDWmb1Lrfs5ARolKUH8dDFuumqXhM29SPuJ36Wht_x3D8ZWe0tEHIMQ1_whabxNUdYUOvifbFeeRQ4CwwqNFGQRZ1eI-MJ6m-MgJHQRrJRhi/s1600-h/DSCF3477.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221079603276936754" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMbebKh6idJq_brnk5l9f9lgeT0vclqqKjDWmb1Lrfs5ARolKUH8dDFuumqXhM29SPuJ36Wht_x3D8ZWe0tEHIMQ1_whabxNUdYUOvifbFeeRQ4CwwqNFGQRZ1eI-MJ6m-MgJHQRrJRhi/s320/DSCF3477.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRN02qAPr-9pAQlKeeLUEpLb_ioyOSp7A-P1LBIj0dJt1ayQrw370PHFuNnRM0uS-AYRyGN119Y-NyXHIT7OX_VzpcSDIiMEEzGuOdROGJEr8LOj8R2OSEgsc95p4fjldEK9ya6Vi3Z00n/s1600-h/DSCF3481.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221079834578117250" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRN02qAPr-9pAQlKeeLUEpLb_ioyOSp7A-P1LBIj0dJt1ayQrw370PHFuNnRM0uS-AYRyGN119Y-NyXHIT7OX_VzpcSDIiMEEzGuOdROGJEr8LOj8R2OSEgsc95p4fjldEK9ya6Vi3Z00n/s320/DSCF3481.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div>Just a few days later we got to celebrate Greg's 34th B-day. Gotta love having two cakes in the house so close together-ha ha!<br /></div><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221080982667011586" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwM-NXeHcujsU4wfrFi9uekOYsYgAS23w48xQLm1rnfQyI2HeUlOyaGW7DQJ-AiPn8Lrmk4RgqYBabfKVgK0wpcwiSFCtkdmoEW1nqFs8Fs6cLDBzxyGAQAnzcqLKDadgj0jRfPU60hdfc/s320/DSCF3604.JPG" border="0" /></div><div>Notice the candles-one is from Ella's 3rd B-day and the other is from Ella's 4th-sorry Greg<br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHIhSPVjHueGbwmwVIccVIs1F1JW0av1yR6-A6EA3sas-FSOGM8pXXrOdZ0FYvx08nZNfyudf9lNEmptjOE90focC6Dmz9FfuqrgrgGyXrUSSUGZNQHG6tZOvv9WCYDvARrZVm4qsAwMyD/s1600-h/DSCF3607.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221081308649136626" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHIhSPVjHueGbwmwVIccVIs1F1JW0av1yR6-A6EA3sas-FSOGM8pXXrOdZ0FYvx08nZNfyudf9lNEmptjOE90focC6Dmz9FfuqrgrgGyXrUSSUGZNQHG6tZOvv9WCYDvARrZVm4qsAwMyD/s320/DSCF3607.JPG" border="0" /></a> </div><br /><br /><div>Onto the next big event. Daddy Princess Dance Night at our Country Club. It is a dinner and dance just for Dad's(Step-Dads, Grandpa's-etc) and daughter's. Ella was so excited to get dressed up and have a special night just for her and Daddy. They had a wonderful time together.</div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJhmKhd26_qEKTQKXywOG5BmdI7HFqdznAHY_ClmLsu2iu1gPRohbqtlnNeFtPLtLDVNMVbVdeKqD0OuRTuQWZEYzzBhumnlWCbtHi_e4Ay0kncNik54DqNDXExKDAZkP4pdQuPbtfXiLK/s1600-h/DSCF3623.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221081926783904146" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJhmKhd26_qEKTQKXywOG5BmdI7HFqdznAHY_ClmLsu2iu1gPRohbqtlnNeFtPLtLDVNMVbVdeKqD0OuRTuQWZEYzzBhumnlWCbtHi_e4Ay0kncNik54DqNDXExKDAZkP4pdQuPbtfXiLK/s320/DSCF3623.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaBlp99kFPL_ENKk0SNJsPa1o489qSGIF63z9_aDDBRjiMhnKC6pwK9JiHw8WdStTIsFW910t6T49ikbTEyWN_XggSAgXrEIlxHtLtoR9TJgr1Xsa-4MCTa_xRWTGUuihpAwo_6J71xOtR/s1600-h/DSCF3629.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221082250973391554" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaBlp99kFPL_ENKk0SNJsPa1o489qSGIF63z9_aDDBRjiMhnKC6pwK9JiHw8WdStTIsFW910t6T49ikbTEyWN_XggSAgXrEIlxHtLtoR9TJgr1Xsa-4MCTa_xRWTGUuihpAwo_6J71xOtR/s320/DSCF3629.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /></div></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>Spring rolled on in and it felt so good to get outside and be warmed by the sun:</div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiARPGO1aPz1cVsAQ3CDgNHn8laSO-YY3hjTQ44EwvCd2hHA597kP6Y8qQLxYZR5Bj6PxGEWpO3rgzobPcHaU5Nzi3YOdEQrdoPVsuzo3Ij5f008I7lsjicQ-soymQ2iRxNs9HMAUqDZPJc/s1600-h/DSCF3646.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221082668561287074" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiARPGO1aPz1cVsAQ3CDgNHn8laSO-YY3hjTQ44EwvCd2hHA597kP6Y8qQLxYZR5Bj6PxGEWpO3rgzobPcHaU5Nzi3YOdEQrdoPVsuzo3Ij5f008I7lsjicQ-soymQ2iRxNs9HMAUqDZPJc/s320/DSCF3646.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm4uTBHoX9p_n0WRVrkDqsR1pMJWd1KL2AHZWQ-SyhD1nSoo2wjqvT3g7b8Bt1jtMYYYl1jgzNwjtNxfEsWRUwvLFveAjU7Ldz6pNzDRnWnVDbFLmOQ5kYDvXOUrrhEucnELkiT5UvaJJY/s1600-h/DSCF3657.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221083044284215410" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm4uTBHoX9p_n0WRVrkDqsR1pMJWd1KL2AHZWQ-SyhD1nSoo2wjqvT3g7b8Bt1jtMYYYl1jgzNwjtNxfEsWRUwvLFveAjU7Ldz6pNzDRnWnVDbFLmOQ5kYDvXOUrrhEucnELkiT5UvaJJY/s320/DSCF3657.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinsDRJNo0VchilQSNhVZGKPs1IAvF-ubN1S8qtJaT7pCi2RDk8J1WLSIxTtqL_JFE5HqrEqoYGxcptq7h6YRTS0rFWTgirLYGXN3T4ognPIge1ujGsioopk3qUlOil5yfEX7y_EHXSVL81/s1600-h/DSCF3614.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221083347634456402" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinsDRJNo0VchilQSNhVZGKPs1IAvF-ubN1S8qtJaT7pCi2RDk8J1WLSIxTtqL_JFE5HqrEqoYGxcptq7h6YRTS0rFWTgirLYGXN3T4ognPIge1ujGsioopk3qUlOil5yfEX7y_EHXSVL81/s320/DSCF3614.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCjHJtGreDZI7j3NI3lQw693uwaRJE7suW4o9TjbrCbYkf9AMheeKPBJbAwMekt2pr5oCD0thYaEv8t7enb9xy8V3PA-PyFGwcstz2J2Fgb966TvMkDz25noyzUHEJf9JQCURHjcojHx8t/s1600-h/DSCF3616.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221083729951967442" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCjHJtGreDZI7j3NI3lQw693uwaRJE7suW4o9TjbrCbYkf9AMheeKPBJbAwMekt2pr5oCD0thYaEv8t7enb9xy8V3PA-PyFGwcstz2J2Fgb966TvMkDz25noyzUHEJf9JQCURHjcojHx8t/s320/DSCF3616.JPG" border="0" /></a> </div><div></div><div>Ella's PreSchool had a special Mother's Day brunch. Ella gave me a plate she made and a potted plant. She painted the pot and planted the plant-so cute. We ate breakfast with the kids and then they sang some songs. She sang her little heart out and nailed each hand movement-I was so proud. Walking in-Ella is wearing navy blue.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2z9lR7zjqsRkAKidqP2xwIdN_EUt6aCswjYPR9ndtEN1TN3WbZMQfVvCHeCFtSPD_mFZqaOGqBTEfm8R4r-SZJ5nG2b7CMjxwYNI-anZndtJyGv1FxS19ZSK22TX7dkrA7v6uGMGdz2Bk/s1600-h/DSCF3693.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221084127160398082" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2z9lR7zjqsRkAKidqP2xwIdN_EUt6aCswjYPR9ndtEN1TN3WbZMQfVvCHeCFtSPD_mFZqaOGqBTEfm8R4r-SZJ5nG2b7CMjxwYNI-anZndtJyGv1FxS19ZSK22TX7dkrA7v6uGMGdz2Bk/s320/DSCF3693.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Okay...so I didn't quite make it all the way through Mayand none of June and July...more to come. Kids are awake from naps now!<br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div></div></div></div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-9026855091297770492008-05-16T10:57:00.000-07:002008-11-13T01:17:16.160-08:00Not much to say today...I will write blog entries in my head, but they really never make it here. Time is just so darn limited when you have two little one's under foot. When they nap, I try to get all my "stuff" done. Over all I am doing well. I have had my very HIGH ups and very LOW downs lately. No rhyme or reason to it. I was actually shocked how down I felt on Mother's Day. I should of been-would have been-8 months pregnant to the day. The empty feeling just never really goes away. Being a Mother is the greatest joy of my life. I haven't given up hope that God will bless us with another child. I am starting to also give my heart permission to just be okay either way.<br /><br /><br />I had a wonderful little get-a-way vacation with Tracie. It was so nice to be able to concentrate on ME for a few days. Tracie is the best person to travel with. No agenda and just go with the flow. We slept in, ate, drank, relaxed by the pool, and shopped. Really, what more could a girl want?<br /><br /><br />Closing out with some pics:<br /><br />Tracie and Brooke-Scottsdale, Arizona<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnUjwQy9RN7P-5FRKKgWD_K-wRY-F1InS5CLRMixAgLs3R-MvMOGHRlnQuNc7POQfrHOU3gj_AhSxp7caS2z06EJ8cKft7uIqd5HKDH8JctxvM7PmRqcuoSQNIoa3CwkZCfRKmCA327rTz/s1600-h/DSCF3678.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5201038552114460370" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnUjwQy9RN7P-5FRKKgWD_K-wRY-F1InS5CLRMixAgLs3R-MvMOGHRlnQuNc7POQfrHOU3gj_AhSxp7caS2z06EJ8cKft7uIqd5HKDH8JctxvM7PmRqcuoSQNIoa3CwkZCfRKmCA327rTz/s320/DSCF3678.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjpXRv2ivv5slvwwV6T0HxegNduR6nP3P9g5NQlCfijf1dN6WByi_SgV5o62JELN_oVyNb-O18YK1NfrMk-iU93uQtNPEkMxMWl0n0vIWhOsac3F40QmhL9lwl0bcJtpJ4BmydcUMFbOs/s1600-h/DSCF3672.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5201038878531974882" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjpXRv2ivv5slvwwV6T0HxegNduR6nP3P9g5NQlCfijf1dN6WByi_SgV5o62JELN_oVyNb-O18YK1NfrMk-iU93uQtNPEkMxMWl0n0vIWhOsac3F40QmhL9lwl0bcJtpJ4BmydcUMFbOs/s320/DSCF3672.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />The kiddo's:<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr8vWhXy36svfqkjKKe_3LM67kJNzdoYElx4GeAeqall4mGXpOo5I_fQ7FN4RB8M3nSBiPpLGiCZa4-rl8Muaz-kioh-R4y_PBEmFN5hNQ7WqsPc67d7VqmdFgyeKGY5Ao_ZJsB7UJzOGp/s1600-h/DSCF3662.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5201039625856284418" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr8vWhXy36svfqkjKKe_3LM67kJNzdoYElx4GeAeqall4mGXpOo5I_fQ7FN4RB8M3nSBiPpLGiCZa4-rl8Muaz-kioh-R4y_PBEmFN5hNQ7WqsPc67d7VqmdFgyeKGY5Ao_ZJsB7UJzOGp/s320/DSCF3662.JPG" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmhMf8kIZn7h3JzlEW9eiab3BcY9uuGkboJoKmoGpqRtdjMqOk_iiJisD8Zck7OMsVrcBPw72Me74dgRg1RDFxJxCExDr8t77YYkjbtzhM6eOAk8gisMckCMk1KnSciS0j1WmkC7_n1z4i/s1600-h/DSCF3637.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5201039381043148530" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmhMf8kIZn7h3JzlEW9eiab3BcY9uuGkboJoKmoGpqRtdjMqOk_iiJisD8Zck7OMsVrcBPw72Me74dgRg1RDFxJxCExDr8t77YYkjbtzhM6eOAk8gisMckCMk1KnSciS0j1WmkC7_n1z4i/s320/DSCF3637.JPG" border="0" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRaVOMXzrGW3Ei5b9pN3VnPsJxV-EBvy6KWJ9wvpanhUt3VW7rikuSOzUEy0AzSK1J3_3aI0ZkblxxMdu8xf6S3M-bjOPKqwQVyjRYzD4Vw6pjNMcQdQ3-UbfU1ZfnZsesW-CcmuXL5glC/s1600-h/DSCF3652.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5201040051058046738" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRaVOMXzrGW3Ei5b9pN3VnPsJxV-EBvy6KWJ9wvpanhUt3VW7rikuSOzUEy0AzSK1J3_3aI0ZkblxxMdu8xf6S3M-bjOPKqwQVyjRYzD4Vw6pjNMcQdQ3-UbfU1ZfnZsesW-CcmuXL5glC/s320/DSCF3652.JPG" border="0" /></a>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-80589286217609759692008-04-14T10:59:00.000-07:002008-04-14T11:19:58.095-07:00Transported back to passion and young love.Music takes us to so many places. I hear a song, and instantly I am back in Stacie's Nissan Pulsar driving with the wind in our hair. It can take us back to wonderful places in time, and painful one's too. Today I put on a CD of classical music, and I was taken back immediately to the most surprising place:<br />Standing in a kitchen looking out the window at the sun warming the morning dew. Wearing a men's white t-shirt and pouring two cups of coffee. Did I even drink coffee at that time in my life? Arms reaching around me from behind and spinning me around in place. His warm face against mine, his heart beating against mine, feeling weak in the knee's and breathless by his touch. Suddenly we are dancing in the kitchen and the music starts as if on cue. I giggled and allowed myself to be taken by his lead. He would kiss me and it was intoxicating. 17 years old and in the arms of my first love. The passion between us would cause me to be chasing that high for years and years. It was the first time in my life I can remember feeling beautiful and wanted. We danced, and that music will forever take me back. Young love...a love that I thought would be the love of my life. My first love..a man that allowed me to be pretty, sexy, and smart. Things that had been so foreign to me. A love that was ten years too soon in my life, yet perfectly timed.all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-20351946009321240972008-04-01T15:15:00.000-07:002008-04-01T15:16:22.206-07:00DreamerPlease Dear Lord, Don't take the Dream away from the Dreamer...all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-72372300051811968712008-03-20T11:31:00.000-07:002008-03-20T12:01:19.618-07:00Feelings...I keep getting asked, "How are you feeling"? with a sympathetic look. That is such a loaded question. Most days good and then others not so good. It really is that simple! As we get closer to Ev's b-day, I know where I "should be" and that is painful. A friend of mines sister, is pregnant and is just a few weeks ahead of where I "SHOULD BE". Her 1st daughter and Ella are a few weeks apart, her second daughter and Evan are a few days apart, and so on... I keep running into her everywhere I go, and I start to feel the breath sucked out of me the minute I see her. I want to run screaming and crying the other direction, but instead I have to smile and chit chat all the while dying inside. When my friend had a birthday party for her daughter that is Ella's age, I seriously just wanted to hide in her bathroom and cry. In fact, after talking to my friends sister a bit, I had to do just that-go in the bathroom and take a couple deep breaths to hold myself together. It is just such an in your face reminder of what I am missing out on, and it is so painful.<br /><br />I wrote the following on 2/17/08 on an envelope that night and thought I should write it here, in case it may help someone out there that is feeling the same way I am .<br /><em>****I allowed myself to feel a bit sad again tonight. I haven't done that in so long. It is a different kind of sadness now. More reflective, like when you think back on a bad time in your life. The pain will resurface, but just for a moment. It is no longer gut wrenching. The emptiness is still there though. The deep longing to feel a baby that will never kick me. The longing and the emptiness remain as raw as the day my babies became angels. I move through my days with the nagging feeling something is missing. Life can be so beautifully perfect and so terribly cruel.******</em><br /><br />Ella has been going on and on lately about how she can't wait for Mommy to get another baby in her belly. Converstation in the car (minivan) ;)<br /><br />Ella:<br />Mommy, I can't wait for you to get another baby in your belly, I just know it is gonna be in there super soon.<br />Mommy:<br />That would be so nice honey. Why do you think it will be soon?<br />Ella:<br />I just know it Mommy because I do. God took our other baby to be a perfect angel, and now God is going to give you a healthy baby that can stay and live with us, this is just what I know Mommy.<br /><br />We have had many many converstations like this lately out of no where. She has been asking some serious zingers lately too. Here are a few of her ever so tricky questions:<br /><br />Mommy, do birds cough?<br />Mommy, when is God's birthday?<br />Mommy, when you die do you lay down? How do you get up to heaven? Do you climb up stairs to heaven?<br />Mommy does everyone get a halo and wings when they die?<br />Mommy, does everyone have a Mommy and Daddy?<br /><br /><br />Notice a theme of some of these questions. As you can tell we have had to deal with some death questions. Mainly because of the miscarriage and also my parents cat just died. It has been tough, I honestly didn't think some of these questions would arise at such a tender age. I have done my best to keep it simple and light with the answers. <br />Off to go be with my very inquisitive girl, before my snuggle bug of a boy wakes from his nap.all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-69185669232307449822008-03-14T06:20:00.002-07:002008-11-13T01:17:16.763-08:00Pic playing and randon stuff.<div><div>This will be short. Evan is under the desk playing with his "ah choo choo"-hee hee. Yesterday was a wonderfully UP day for me. I felt happy and at peace with this whole crazy journey life has had me on as of late. Yet, I had terrible insomnia last night, and could not shut my busy mind down! Feeling sleepy today<br /></div><br /><div>Been playing a bit with photoshop and just can't seem to get it to do what I want. I am sure I will figure it out eventually though. Here are some pics I have been playing with:</div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFREORfwWmAiaPZ37RElbq-zxx1QKOssI0gzk_KDT5qZnYI9xJ9zbUx6m3fKhnRhsMBz3ZjkW2pbP7KNNVdoOmgKFZWHA1pyru3wSdnSeEL7cvo-mVOkWtTs1D2pyYob0HkKDaMGGtAlkW/s1600-h/DSCF3121_edited-1.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5177590058476790322" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFREORfwWmAiaPZ37RElbq-zxx1QKOssI0gzk_KDT5qZnYI9xJ9zbUx6m3fKhnRhsMBz3ZjkW2pbP7KNNVdoOmgKFZWHA1pyru3wSdnSeEL7cvo-mVOkWtTs1D2pyYob0HkKDaMGGtAlkW/s320/DSCF3121_edited-1.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1X9v83Sb6fi9IkuWRry-BBA0pQZNgzetLbAp4KUIjhEomolig23PjOvfvEz_v0JFd6FQA0-J8g0J_6vF8sEa7Gr7tEHsJRxjtOERN7PQXmycu10YlVA_57GsPe6prF6ohRhpx4fFfmpSI/s1600-h/DSCF3265_edited-1.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5177589031979606546" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1X9v83Sb6fi9IkuWRry-BBA0pQZNgzetLbAp4KUIjhEomolig23PjOvfvEz_v0JFd6FQA0-J8g0J_6vF8sEa7Gr7tEHsJRxjtOERN7PQXmycu10YlVA_57GsPe6prF6ohRhpx4fFfmpSI/s320/DSCF3265_edited-1.JPG" border="0" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihZM4UnnMsm_gE-afEDccVoyXdMPB2Uzro_XoCv0OTR5U0CGqWodLvNwjtj9VA7PDSowqIY2FICat0GWnG3c8tEc2eOI7BnnuurHP8gyk9DonRpf_fZmjA6bL_1nIQy3BiHgJuE5Q1ub9u/s1600-h/DSCF3336_edited-2.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5177589560260583970" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihZM4UnnMsm_gE-afEDccVoyXdMPB2Uzro_XoCv0OTR5U0CGqWodLvNwjtj9VA7PDSowqIY2FICat0GWnG3c8tEc2eOI7BnnuurHP8gyk9DonRpf_fZmjA6bL_1nIQy3BiHgJuE5Q1ub9u/s320/DSCF3336_edited-2.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><div><br /></div><br /><br /><div></div></div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-30937922832874908522008-03-14T06:20:00.001-07:002008-03-14T06:20:44.802-07:00Pic playing and randon stuff.all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-86689044926154449222008-03-11T11:33:00.000-07:002008-11-13T01:17:16.890-08:00<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYicvI-Ovx5ecTBMN1TdF6xNjJqQn8ewzLcUWKnx4yPzwoPnYuubj6QGFZyIZ8Hmg5Qj6MGvs2EZKje_r-q8M1_YVml-fmTsOURxSKW6Gh6n2SfWESsyVkMspCO7Q6yIrl5SOewNYRqo5N/s1600-h/DSCF3353.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176554344293229058" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYicvI-Ovx5ecTBMN1TdF6xNjJqQn8ewzLcUWKnx4yPzwoPnYuubj6QGFZyIZ8Hmg5Qj6MGvs2EZKje_r-q8M1_YVml-fmTsOURxSKW6Gh6n2SfWESsyVkMspCO7Q6yIrl5SOewNYRqo5N/s320/DSCF3353.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Mommy can't find us in this fort!!!</div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-69746803493413723282008-03-11T10:25:00.000-07:002008-03-11T11:33:35.965-07:00Be...The other day I found myself getting sooo irritated with Ella. My frusteration boiled over and I found myself yelling at her. I can't even really remember why, but what I do remember was a little voice in my heart talking to me. It made me STOP dead in my tracks. I lowered my voice, and lowered my body and whispered, " I am sorry" to my precious girl. In that moment...I heard that voice saying to me, "STOP-BE SOFT-BE GENTLE-BE KIND-BREATHE". My heart was speaking to me, and I actually was able to totally turn off my frustration and turn on a very loving moment.<br /><br />Be patient<br />Be soft<br />Be kind<br />Breathe<br />Be loving<br />Be presentall i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-54333730265198032472008-03-05T06:27:00.001-08:002008-11-13T01:17:17.202-08:00HAPPY DAYS...<strong><span style="color:#cc0000;">On Sunday-</span> </strong>I officially became a <a href="http://automobiles.honda.com/odyssey/">mini van </a>driving Ma Ma. After the rocky few months I have had, I got to thinking about what is really important in my life. A SUV is an SUV-it is just that-a thing, and frankly not a very important thing in my life. I have driven luxury Suvs for the past 6yrs, and could have really cared less about what I was driving. The Range Rover was always my dream SUV, and after driving it for about 2wks the novelty totally wore off, but the mortgage size payment didn't. It all just seems like a TOTAL waste of money to me. I used to think-if you have the money, than it isn't a waste. How irrational is that? How about put that extra money into the kids college saving funds-ahhh, now that is rational thinking. As you can imagine-my darling husband is beside himself with joy over my new way of thinking ;)!! I am LOVING my new ride! It is just so amazingly made for a Mommy-and has lot's of bells and whistles that even my fancy SUV didn't have-woo hoo!<br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"><strong>On Monday</strong>- <span style="color:#000000;">It was a gorgeous warm day out. We really didn't get to enjoy it much with the kids not feeling very well. The birds were chirpping and the flowers were starting to poke out. Spring is my very favorite time of year. Watching the miracle of the Earth rebirth is just amazing to me. If you have a green thumb and live somewhere where if is freezing all winter-than you can understand my LOVE for Spring. I can hardly wait to get my garden gloves on and get my hands in the dirt!</span></span><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9_SCB5Qk-nb08RZVSN43Jz2LDFS4zXHP51i-mQ4dClc0TZ-j09pIYEmtenDXKGqghXVHvsPgkdr1PXfgAx5NYiKy9P2L7hx3nrFpxaJttm5kv5WLkRI7TTcWZQpSTEZBVZAQiQxzS3SeJ/s1600-h/DSCF3354.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174267370335243810" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9_SCB5Qk-nb08RZVSN43Jz2LDFS4zXHP51i-mQ4dClc0TZ-j09pIYEmtenDXKGqghXVHvsPgkdr1PXfgAx5NYiKy9P2L7hx3nrFpxaJttm5kv5WLkRI7TTcWZQpSTEZBVZAQiQxzS3SeJ/s320/DSCF3354.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"><strong>On Tuesday</strong>-</span><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQJBIwD68949cRD4oxYNwfPG7e8IEu9EqNen50Br8DgkmC88U73UNSk7blFvUmREra5T8S_ql2CTNro7qr5GHbBheFoAnbPFoI8Lf-mDbGUgWZKdS4ELNQ1hEnUAbsKeFQem0XvvReKQd2/s1600-h/DSCF3356.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174267786947071538" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQJBIwD68949cRD4oxYNwfPG7e8IEu9EqNen50Br8DgkmC88U73UNSk7blFvUmREra5T8S_ql2CTNro7qr5GHbBheFoAnbPFoI8Lf-mDbGUgWZKdS4ELNQ1hEnUAbsKeFQem0XvvReKQd2/s320/DSCF3356.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color:#cc0000;"><br /><div><strong>On Wednesday</strong>-<span style="color:#000000;">We are having an ice storm. The tree's look like glass. Beautiful!</span></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXAzWxVO8HihjZetN6Wmy886RK0x08-17PZ5G-Vf-hx_So3ZYBnMRZ5ZEfymWG729z6eknAHrWAABnY3vjMCfKIj3oTyRxkOqXcJrH-HF7lwNin51LMJBlXIn4EJoOMNy1z6INpHDik5J1/s1600-h/DSCF3359.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174268340997852738" style="CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXAzWxVO8HihjZetN6Wmy886RK0x08-17PZ5G-Vf-hx_So3ZYBnMRZ5ZEfymWG729z6eknAHrWAABnY3vjMCfKIj3oTyRxkOqXcJrH-HF7lwNin51LMJBlXIn4EJoOMNy1z6INpHDik5J1/s320/DSCF3359.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div><br /></div></span><br /><br /><div></div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-65867971403217690412008-03-04T11:58:00.000-08:002008-03-04T12:05:27.675-08:00I am okay, really really okay!I know it has been awhile..but I am really doing okay! Aside from my toddler laying on the floor next to me kicking and screaming ;) This will be quick and hopefully more to come later today. Ev has a very stuffy nose right now and El has a low fever and junky cough. My computer time has been very limited as of late. First we had an ice storm that knocked out our cable/computer for 4 days, then I was in Nashville for a few days, basement painted where the computer is now housed-that was about a week plus-with no computer, and so on! So that is my laundry list of reasons for being the worlds crappiest blogger ever.<br /><br />I (we-Amy) have a new blog called <a href="http://fromatobbaby.blogspot.com/">fromatobbaby</a> that is a total work in progress. If you lurk or check this blog, would love for you to see what else has been keeping me busy.<br /><br />More later...when toddler isn't being a cling on!<br /><br />-BROOKEall i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-54142584545546413332008-01-23T07:30:00.000-08:002008-11-13T01:17:17.415-08:00Coming out of the dark...again!<div align="left"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhite07Txo7Eu-GMPyKfr2AkO3M95HHk4ng_jUmDYyMUayPP2qiZxcIr98i8OJHwHrB8t5bnxw5K1v1ccwROr6XOwaRfbyF9kL0EufZy_kQC58koD7Vksa9vzhlsEI2-oeWwLOemaOTO1OE/s1600-h/DSCF3021.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5161440450827648962" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhite07Txo7Eu-GMPyKfr2AkO3M95HHk4ng_jUmDYyMUayPP2qiZxcIr98i8OJHwHrB8t5bnxw5K1v1ccwROr6XOwaRfbyF9kL0EufZy_kQC58koD7Vksa9vzhlsEI2-oeWwLOemaOTO1OE/s320/DSCF3021.JPG" border="0" /></a> ~Making cookies w/ my favorite girl~<br /></div><div align="left">I am feeling better today. It is much like the upward swing of a pendulum-I am on the upswing, and hoping it doesn't swing back down. Grief is like that-up and down up and down. The sun is out, and I am taking a different approach to life-starting today! I have the song, "I can see clearly now", by Johnny Nash ringing through my ears.<br /><br /><p></p><br /><p><strong><span style="color:#333399;">January 29th, 2008-I think??? </span></strong><span style="color:#333399;">BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span></p><br /><p><span style="color:#333399;">So glad I got to feel good and normal for a day, it didn't last! The following Saturday I felt so deeply depressed. I ate my way through the day, which just made me feel worse! Today I am feeling okay with a few "pity party" moments here and there. If anyone out in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">cyber</span> land reads this blog, please don't mistake my sadness for ungratefulness. I am <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">sooo</span> blessed and so grateful, and that is exactly the reason why I am so sad that I have lost two babies. I know how wonderful having these two children has been, and I can't help but to want to add more to our family. </span></p><br /><p><span style="color:#333399;">These losses have changed me, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">taken</span> a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">piece</span> of me away with each angel. I honestly don't feel whole anymore. I really FEEL the loss and feel a part of me is gone. I am trying so desperatly to just be "normal" and to feel "normal", but I am struggling. Some days I am going through the motions and others I feel really good and hopeful. I feel restless, like I need to make major changes in my life to be happy again. I am a bit of a lost soul right now, fighting my way back to finding "ME". </span></p><br /><p><span style="color:#333399;">P.S-If you read this post-anyone...anyone...anyone???? Let me know you read my blog-I have some hits on my counter that just can't possibly be from me refreshing my own blog???heehee</span></p><br /><p><span style="color:#333399;"><br /></span></p><br /><br /><em></em></div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3761976149802471455.post-10369232354892826022008-01-17T13:49:00.000-08:002008-11-13T01:17:17.631-08:00Sorrow and Joy<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDJSwi6Bn_I_OZW99VqM1D6O7esCEtYN9SOv0gd2WlpzmKHflGENwaEojdnmWGAEkBBJzxRSxYOVbn_Zpr1H22Df5KyLnTxb1G4QYQiTcMceI8AMfpdVPaW2_rCD2oTBDJ5DTgvvCPpBeg/s1600-h/DSCF3121.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5156572160004235842" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDJSwi6Bn_I_OZW99VqM1D6O7esCEtYN9SOv0gd2WlpzmKHflGENwaEojdnmWGAEkBBJzxRSxYOVbn_Zpr1H22Df5KyLnTxb1G4QYQiTcMceI8AMfpdVPaW2_rCD2oTBDJ5DTgvvCPpBeg/s320/DSCF3121.JPG" border="0" /></a> My Gorgeous Boy-My Joy!<br /><div><br /><br /><div>Isn't it amazing that through the darkest days there is always light streaming through the clouds. My children are that light. Though my faith in many things has wavered a bit lately, I know it is just the grief talking. My children are the most amazing miracles. I soak up their love and it just fills my heart until it over flows! I am living a life that I honestly never in a million years thought I would be so blessed to live. So I hold onto that right now, and keep reminding myself how very very far I have come! </div><br /><div>I am at such a strange place in my life. I feel almost like I am in limbo. I "know" I should just feel contentment with my life and all that I have been blessed with, but I feel restless! Logically-I KNOW I should just move on, be content, and stop tempting fate. I KNOW I should focus on the journey and not the destination. I should be PRESENT and focus on what I have NOW-not what I think I want for the future. Yet, my heart is longing for another child and yearning to add to our beautiful family. I know how amazing being pregnant is, and I LOVE being a Mom more than anything else in this world, so it just seems natural for me to want to do it all again. LOGIC or HEART...my heart usually wins! I have an appt with a new gyno next week. I am praying he will be compassionate, unlike my current Doctor. I am praying he will help find answers as to why I now have two angels. Please pray for us!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div></div>all i need is the white picket fencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16203917531341046727noreply@blogger.com0